


*Don't Do It, Can't Do It (SPN)

by BuckyBarn3s



Series: Angst In A Few Pages [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, M/M, One Shot, Other, Self Harm, Self-Harm, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicidal Sam Winchester, Suicidal Success, Suicidal Thoughts, one shots, trigger warning for self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28346460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyBarn3s/pseuds/BuckyBarn3s
Series: Angst In A Few Pages [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075928
Kudos: 3





	*Don't Do It, Can't Do It (SPN)

Dean looked in the mirror long enough to shave the stubble coming in on his face, but couldn't bare to look any longer than that. He hated himself. He saw something on a TV show about vampires mainstreaming (as if, right?) where one character told another that if she couldn't look in the mirror at herself and count to ten without looking away, then how could she expect anyone else to be around her for that long. Dean felt that it was excellent reasoning, but he couldn't stand to look at himself, just plain, no other activities, without wanting to shove his fist into his own reflection. How could Sammy stand to be around him if he couldn't stand his own reflection? Yet Sammy stayed (even though he left more often than Dean liked, but we won't talk about that, will we?) with Dean through just about everything. Sure there was the Purgatory bit, but Dean couldn't seriously be mad at Sam who just wanted a normal life, and besides that, how would Sam even begin to look for Dean. Off topic. 

For whatever reason Sammy loved Dean enough to be there. But Dean was almost to his breaking point. He was ready to put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger, scrambling his brain like an egg and killing him. He wasn't there yet, though. He couldn't do that to Sam... again. He'd already made the deal to trade souls, he'd already downed an ass load of pills to trade places with Sammy. But that was only when he (thought) knew Sammy was dead. He couldn't just take himself out while Sammy was still around, could he? No, he needed to protect Sam at all costs, even though he has proved over and over that he can take care of himself. Dean will always be Sam's older brother and Sam's safety always would come first, before his own needs and desires.

So, for Sammy, and only Sammy, would Dean continue to (not look at himself) live on and keep up with the Family Business. And god help anyone who fucks with the Winchester boys. 


End file.
